ALL RELATIONSHIPS FACE THEIR DIFFICULTIES AT SOME POINT OR ANOTHER, A SPOUSE OR PARTNER IS GOING TO BETRAY YOUR TRUST. IT IS HOW YOU DEAL WITH ACTS OF BETRAYAL THAT MATTER THE MOST. IF YOU THINK BETRAYAL IS THE DEADLIEST WAY TO POISON YOUR RELATIONSHIP, I HAVE SOME NEWS FOR YOU.
Being able to forgive a partner for his or her transgressions is the key to a successful relationship. Refusing to forgive is the easiest way to poison your relationship.
How does forgiveness work?
Forgiveness is tough. It involves letting go of negative feelings about a partner’s misdeeds, not seeking revenge or holding a grudge, and viewing a partner in a positive light.
Not being able to forgive a spouse or partner creates distance, leads to feelings of anger and isolation, and it can have a negative impact on your health.
How exactly do you forgive a partner when they have done you wrong?
Express/Acknowledge Anger
The first step in the process of forgiveness involves expressing your anger and having it acknowledged. It is important to express how you are feeling. If you don’t express your true feelings, they are likely to resurface, making forgiveness difficult to do.
Expressing your feelings, however, does not involve attacking a partner. Even though your partner has betrayed your trust, it is important to focus on how you feel and not what your partner has done. Explain how hurt, angry, and disappointed you are, but do not bring up how disrespectful or inconsiderate your partner has been. By focusing on your feelings, rather than assigning blame, your partner is more likely to hear you out (see, talking about problems).
Expressing your feelings is only one part of the equation. Expressing emotions is most useful when your partner acknowledges your pain. Your partner needs to validate your feelings and take ownership for what went wrong. For forgiveness to happen, your partner needs agree with your point of view and offer an apology. It helps to hear, “I hurt you. I was wrong. I am sorry.”
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